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November 23, 2010 @ 1:06 pm

Stop that Arguing NOW!


Mitch Newman, M.A. is The Relationship Coach, known for his unique perspective on what it takes for two people to consider being together for more than a long holiday weekend.

Mitch learned from the relationship guru himself, John Gray (Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus). As a Relationship Coach for his company, Go Ask Mars/Venus, Mitch quickly noticed a pattern of fighting between couples arguing over the same issue over and over again without resolution. From this foundation Mitch created Scripting, a fun and dynamic process that engages people in seeing themselves and their partner through the window of the actual fight that slowly tears away at their relationship.

Mitch joined eHealth Radio and discussed several issues with us.

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Eric Michaels: You have said - Even Adam and Eve had their ups and downs! The only temptation back then was an apple! CUT TO - present day. The apple is now a computer - talk briefly in regards to technology as today's temptation.

Mitch Newman: Really, technology provides, for me it provides three main things: 1) Exposure - we are no longer living in a small town we now have access to the world. Our ability to present ourselves to the world whether its through a web site or through emails, whether it's through any variety of ways now that we can access the Internet, can help us create an image out there both personally and professionally. Now we start to reach out and reach more people and really create that image for our self. The other piece is really about the 2) global access which is really based upon the fact that I touched upon this briefly just before and was brought up in conversation just the other day, that we are no longer limited by our immediate environment whether we are living in a small town or a large city we now have access to the world. That can sometimes create a sense like WOW, there are unlimited possibilities out there for me. So in a relationship, am I settling by being in this particular one when there is all of these relationships and access to other people out there. Is the grass greener on the other side is really what it comes down to. The third thing is 3): How the Internet and technology creates almost like a at the risk of making up a word here an intimate-less relationship.I have had people that I have dealt with who have called me and said my boyfriend told me that he loved me and I haven't talked to him and he hasn't called me in two weeks. I then asked when was the last time you saw him and she says well we haven't actually met yet, we met on the Internet. So there's a lot of interesting dynamics that happen in terms of our communication even via email and text that kind of helps create a false sense of intimacy and creates massive exposure but not necessarily intimate authentic relationships.

Eric Michaels: In some of your material you mention how it is possible to once again see your partner's annoying habits as part of the charm that 1st sucked you in...touch on this if you would.

Mitch Newman: For many people this could be a very subtle or a very distinct form of anger and resentment. The jokes that we once laughed at that our partners once told that they maybe tell all the time in front of other people and now we are rolling our eyes and we are less enthusiastic - you know, the wet towel in the bed which was cute  and you were upset but you were kind of in a playful way is no longer funny anymore. To pull out a cliche although a true one the toilet seat that's left up that never gets put down. It was once cute once a cute annoyance - it was a wonderful reminder of being in a relationship and a connection, and when you are unhappy it is anything but cute.

Eric Michaels: Explain how your Scripting Process works.

Mitch Newman: Generally it's a twelve week program and couple pick an ongoing fight that they can't resolve. I often refer to it as every couple has their ground hog day - the fight they've been having for years that never gets resolved and only get interrupted because the children walk in the door or you arrive at the restaurant and "it's" to be continued. So, I have them decide on what that fight is and they usually come to that conclusion quickly and I have them each create that fight in a script format. I take my background as a screen writer and a comedy and sitcom writer and I marry together with my coaching and I help them re-create that fight in a script format that they don't share with each other but they share with me and I am able to see a variety of different rolls that they take on when they are fighting - let's face it - we are not in partnership when we are fighting, we are taking on one aspect of ourselves or some aspect of our parents. I get to look at that and help them to see what rolls they are taking on with the text and sub-text we have to talk about that in screen writing and TV film writing. For me it is about what's in beliefs, what is it that they are believing to be true. Also looking at those non-verbal ques, he huffs and puffs and walks out the door and the assumptions that are made by his partner when he does that and what that must mean...


Want the entire audio version of this eHealth Radio Episode?

Listen to Mitch's entire interview.

Mitch Newman discusses & answers:

- What if I am having the same argument with my spouse repeatedly, how do we overcome this?

- What can you say to help someone who is jealous of his or her spouse for no reason...could be jealous of kids, other people, opposite sex, time etc...when these situation arise its like they go into panic mode - but yet in a quiet behaved manner.

- And a Special Tip...

Save this to your iPod/mp3 player or the desktop on your computer and listen to it again for your relationship guide or simply subscribe to this feed and never miss another episode on  eHealth Radio - powered by Refer to audio player and links below.

Note: The views expressed do not necessarily reflect the opinions or beliefs of the show host or it's owners.

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