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February 1, 2011 @ 2:14 pm

Is It Any Different Dating When You are Older?


Author, writer and relationship expert, Jackie Pilossoph joined the show. She discusses with host Eric Michaels about living happily ever after for THE SECOND TIME, and about the keys to a successful relationship when there are kids involved.

Note: Refer to audio player below to listen to this episode.

Jackie Pilossoph is the author of "HOOK, LINE AND SINK HIM", a romantic comedy published last spring.  She writes for magazines on the subjects of love and romance and is currently getting her next novel ready for release.  Pilossoph has a Masters degree in Journalism.  She spent many years working in television news, and also taught communications courses at Roosevelt University.  Additionally, she’s held positions in advertising and pharmaceutical sales.


Abbreviated Transcript of Interview with Jackie Pilossoph

Eric Michaels: Is dating different as an older person than it was when we were in our 20’s and 30’s?  Why?
Jackie Pilossoph: Dating as an older person and dating in our 20’s and 30’s is like night and day.  When we’re in our 20’s and 30’s, there’s no one to worry about but ourselves. We have all the time in the world to get to know each other, do things together. Typically, the only obligation we have our job.  Now, fast forward to dating after divorce. Now, we have kids and ex’s to think about.  In addition, people are very guarded. They’ve been hurt. They’re emotional messes. So, one of two things happens. Either they’re smart and they take things slowly, or they jump into the relationship very quickly and are engaged again in a matter of a few months.

Eric Michaels: What are the advantages of taking things slow?
Jackie Pilossoph: What people have to keep in mind is that there are children involved. These kids are still hurting from the divorce. And forcing them to quickly enter into a new family with a new mom or dad and stepbrothers and stepsisters is in my opinion selfish.Taking it slow allows everyone to really get to know each other and to gain trust in those people. Another really nice thing about taking things slow is that the couple gets to know each other and there’s so much less of a chance for unseen disappointment. I have so many divorced friends who move full speed ahead in a new relationship, only to find out six months later, that the genuine feelings really aren’t there. And that’s a recipe for true heartbreak.  What’s the rush? You just got out of a marriage. Focus on your kids and healing yourself first.  Don’t jump into anything.

Eric Michaels: What is the key to a successful relationship and staying happy?
Jackie Pilossoph: In my opinion, the biggest and best thing two people in a relationship can do is to give each other space. Give each other the opportunity to really miss the other person. Lots of times, couples get frustrated because with their kids’ schedules, days go by (sometimes weeks) where they haven’t seen each other. I say, that can really be a good thing! You appreciate each other more and you value the time you have with each other. Let it work to your advantage!

Eric Michaels: What do you say when your boyfriend/girlfriend tells you he or she wants to go out with friends on Saturday night instead of you?
Jackie Pilossoph: The biggest mistake people make when this happens is admitting their gut reaction, which is usually a gasp, followed by, “I can’t believe you don’t want to see me!  We’re both free and without our kids!”  Instead, my advice would be to support the person.  “I think that’s great.  Have a wonderful time.”  But, they key is, you genuinely have to mean it.  Think about it.  The person has kids and no time for him or herself. Let the one you love enjoy themselves without you. Be confident and assured that your relationship is strong and that he or she can go do something without you! I guarantee if you have this attitude, he or she will miss you so much, they’ll be dialing you Sunday morning first thing!

Eric Mcihaels: Is there anything better about dating after divorce than dating in your 20’s and 30’s?
Jackie Pilossoph: Yes! Lots of things! First, I think we appreciate everything in life more as we get older. So, that goes for people as well. When we meet someone we really like, we treasure them more and we are treasured more as well. I think love is stronger and more meaningful. We don’t focus so much on the superficial as what’s in the heart and the core of the person. And, communication is better. We’ve made mistakes, so we know how to talk to the person.

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Web Sites:
Twitter: @PilossophsBooks

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Note: The views expressed do not necessarily reflect the opinions or beliefs of the show host or it's owners.

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