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December 4, 2010 @ 5:00 pm

Don’t Panic If You Are Still Single


Dr. Karin Anderson joins eHealth Radio to talk about being a single woman.

Note: Refer to audio player and links below to listen to this show.

As an associate professor of psychology and counselor education at Concordia University Chicago, Dr. Karin Anderson has a doctorate in developmental psychology, a track record of well-received presentations at national and international psychology conferences, and a speaking platform focusing on women’s identity construction and cultivation. Despite these credentials, she’s no stuffy academic peering down from the Ivory Tower. In fact, the inspiration for her writing derives from the ebb and flow of her personal relationships—not the data garnered from professional research. Yet it’s precisely this fusion of academic chops and “girl about town” experience that perfectly positions her to tackle themes of relationships and single adulthood. Readers perceive her as “one of them,” connecting with her accessible and engaging voice. Yet as an academic, she provides a measure of objectivity and authority that enlightens, encourages, and empowers. Her first book, It Just Hasn’t Happened Yet presents a new angle sorely needed in the relationship genre―one that counteracts the messages single women frequently field, such as “You’re too picky!”, “You’re too needy!”, or “You’re too neurotic, which is why you aren’t married.” It Just Hasn’t Happened Yet encourages women to stay true to themselves, instead of changing just to “snag a man.” It asserts that single women are smart, sexy, cream-of-the-crop “catches” who will eventually be “caught” ―it just hasn’t happened yet.


Partial Transcript of Interview with Dr. Karin Anderson

Eric Michaels: I understand the writing of your book was directly from real life experiences through personal relationships - was there one event that inspired this book to become a reality?

Dr. Karin: I think it was actually a combination of a lot of experiences but in thinking that over there was probably that one moment that cystalized for me the need for a book like this. I have had a lot of interviews with women who are single and struggling with identity issues. About two years ago, I was in a local bookstore looking and seeing that in the psychology section overall was seeing the message that a single woman - if she hasn't been married yet - has some what of a flaw that she has yet to overcome. Books like "10 Things You Need to do to bring in Mr. Right" and these sorts of things and I thought to myself - wait a minute - I know a lot of single women and I know a lot of married women and everyone is flawed in their own way. To suggest that there is just that one thing you need to do, or get over or work it through and then you will be fit or prepared for marriage I thought - A. WRONG B. Disempowering for women and C. We need a counter message available!

Eric Michaels: What are the common struggles that most single women have from your perspective?

Dr. Karin: I think the struggle that most single women have in our society today really relate to what I just said basically we get told that there is something wrong with us and it is rwally interesting if you look at the socialogical trend over the last fifty to sixty years where we went through a strong womens movement which was to provide women with more options and more opportunities for women to be who they are supposed to be and so women today do have opportuntities and options that weren't available to our mothers and certainly our grandmothers. These opportunities are wonderful and at the same time we haven't loosened the expectation in terms of womens relationship. Women are still viewed as - it's great if she has a career, it's great if she has accomplishments etc. but if she is still single after a certain age we are suspect! What's going on here? What's the problem there? That seems to be the most important factor of a woman and her person and how she is judged.

Eric Michaels: Would you have any advice for a single mom desiring to date again?

Dr. Karin: I do think that single mothers have an additional challenge ahead of them as they look for love and partnership. It would just depend on the type of men that they are surrounding themselves with. Some men are absolutely not interested in fathering someone elses child but I would say that most men in their 30's and 40's who have had similar life experiences and several relationships under their belt, I think most men are open to finding the right woman and if their is a child involved then they will start to negotiate through that and weed their way through that experience. I don't know that I have any specific advice for single moms that is any different than I have for other women who are at a certain age and feeling the pressures or the desire to couple up. I think the advice that is typically given is usually off the mark. Usually I suggest that the woman needs to change herself in some way as I eluded to earlier....


Want the entire version of this eHealth Radio Episode?

Dr. Karin Anderson discusses & answers:

- Her book - "It Just Hasn’t Happened Yet"

- On your site, there is a link that allows you to download discussion questions for a book club which is a pretty cool idea by the way....I would assume you wouldn't mind answering or discussing one of them?

- What's the most obnoxious comment you’ve heard or situation you’ve endured regarding your single status?

- And a Special Tip for single women...

Connecting with Dr. Karin

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Note: The views expressed do not necessarily reflect the opinions or beliefs of the show host or it's owners.

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