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November 13, 2010 @ 10:30 pm

Taking the Fight Out of Your Marriage


A true expert in the world of dating and relationships, Tina B. Tessina, PhD. A licensed psychotherapist residing in sunny California, she possesses 25 years of experience counseling individuals and couples. Along with her busy schedule, she has managed to author eleven bestselling books on relationships, publish and e-email newspaper and host a weekly radio show.

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Eric Michaels: Why do you say the book is “The Perfect Peace Plan for Your Marriage”?

Tina Tessina: First of all, I am a marriage counsellor by trade and I am liscenced by the State of California and I have almost forty years or experience helping people take the fighting out of their marriages. What I did was I condensed down into money, sex and kids, the three big issues people fight about and how you handle them and what the major aspects of those issues are, how you handle them, and what you can do instead of fighting - how to avoid fighting in general so that you have a peaceful partnership in your marriage.

Eric Michaels: How do you advise couples to ‘ramp up the sweetness’ and ‘become irresistible’ with each other?

Tina Tessina: It is so important to make sure there is sweetness in your relationship. We have a tendency to focus on what isn't working and what that brings us is more stuff that isn't working - more anxiety with each other about the issues and more opposition in our relationship. One way to calm everybody down and to make sure you know on a day to day basis that you love each other is to add some sweetness and that means the stuff your mommy taught you - saying please and thank you, saying I love you frequently - being willing to be nice to each other. We have a tendency to feel like we can relax and not be nice in our marriages and if we grew up in families that weren't particularly nice to each other we lapsed into that. You are going to be so much happier in your relationship if you are nice to your partner. The most important person in your life, usually the person you spend the most time with, you want as much sweetness as possible in there.

Eric Michaels: Do you think that fighting is necessary in every marriage?

Tina Tessina: I don't think fighting is necessary in any marriage, disagreements are necessary. We are different people and it is inevitable that we are going to disagree with each other but we don't have to fight about it. We don't have to argue, scream and yell and it gets you nowhere and it waste your time, it's bad for your health and it's bad for your children. There is nothing good about fighting, so what we need to do is to do is learn how what to do instead and how not to fight which is how to negotiate things when we're different about things, how to talk to each other about things that are tough to talk about - like money & sex; how to get on the same page aboyt parenting our children and how to not fight about that. There is nothing that upsets a child more than hearing his or her parents arguing about whether they are parenting their child right or not - it makes them very insecure and very uncomforatable. You need to be on the same page and you need to figure out how to agree. I often reccomend that couples get a book or take a parenting class just to be on the same page about their parenting philosiphies so they are not fighting about how their parents parented them. You don't need to fight. There's a lot of healthier things you can do than fight.

Want the entire audio version of this eHealth Radio Episode? Listen to Tina's entire interview.

Tina Tessina discusses & answers:

- Why do you say a marriage is like a business?

- What’s the biggest problem couples have about parenting their kids?

- Special tip of advice...creating a partnership. Your marriage isn't about passion and love it's about...

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Note: The views expressed do not necessarily reflect the opinions or beliefs of the show host or it's owners.

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