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November 14, 2010 @ 1:43 pm

Protecting Our Marriages From Infidelity

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eHealth Radio brought to you by eDrugStore.md had the opportunity to visit with Jason Coleman, Co-Author of the Book "Discovering Your Amazing Marriage".

Jason was born in Louisville, KY and raised in Arizona, moving to Washington while a sophomore in high school. He was raised by his mother, with his brother and two sisters. Jason went to work on a part-time basis for a sporting goods company when he was 19 years old and has worked his way up the corporate ladder, where he is currently a District Supervisor in the greater Seattle-Tacoma vicinity. He has 23 years of retail sporting goods experience, 19 of which have been in various leadership roles.

Jason and Debby have both been active in the local church for the majority of their marriage, working in various ministries. They have worked with teens and children and have led adult small group Bible studies. They have been active leaders in the Awana ministry for 19 years as well as serving on the Awana Ministry Team for the Pacific Northwest. Jason has also served as an 'Elder-elect' and coordinated the Outreach Ministry in a local church. They have a heart for missions and have been on several missions trips to Rio de Janeiro, Brasil.

Jason and Debby have four children, three daughters and a son, ranging in age from nineteen to eleven. They are extremely involved in the lives of their children as the kids are active in sports, school activities, church youth groups, and much more. You can find their family vacationing in Cannon Beach, Oregon each August. They wrote a large portion of this manuscript while vacationing in Cannon Beach.

Jason and Debby Coleman celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary in September of 2009 and currently reside in Federal Way, WA.

Interview:

Eric Michaels: Starting with some of the pointers from your book: How does a couple communicate effectively?

Jason Coleman: That is an important topic in our book. One thing that we would like to say is often times when you are having a conversation with your spouse he or she may be talking about something that really doesn't apply to you and that you really don't care about and that happens quite a bit so one piece of advice I would give to your listeners is even in those times you have to listen and engage in the conversation. Part of that could be asking relevant questions with eye contact. Body language is so important and I can think of a lot of conversations my wife and I have that honestly I do not care about but it is important to her so it has to be important to me as well. Another thing I would say about communication there is it's important that you set aside time every day juts for the two of you.  Our schedules are so hectic with work, with outside things with kids perhaps and we just need to set aside even if it's just a few moments every day some time where we can share with our spouse and communicate with our spouse. We have highs, we have lows, some exciting details and there are also fears and things that flat out stress us out in our life. I think it's important that we take the time to communicate those with our spouse and lean upon one another for encouragement for strength and so forth.

Eric Michaels: Would you find yourself hesitating to communicate any fears as the man of the house, that would diminish your authority within the home or you may be afraid how she would react and you would lose your respect as that is the best way to explain it...

Jason Coleman: That is an excellent question. I think the answer to that is yes. Often times we men are hesitant to share some things or put ourselves in a vulnerable position. Early on in our marriage we struggled quite a bit and part of that I'm sure was my inability to communicate with her effectively. What I have learned is that you just have to face that dragon in the eyes and have that conversation. You know that it's going to be difficult. There might be that hesitation for fear of lack of respect and lack of understanding but everything has to be communicated. I have learned through experience that it is best that I bring it up and address it head on and then we can work through whatever that issue or that challenge may be and in the end it always seems to work out. But my own experience is, if I neglect to bring those things up or neglect to open that conversation things just build and whatever the problem was in the beginning seems to add to it and then it's a bigger problem and a bigger issue and could lead to more challenges down the road. I would say just get in there and discuss those tough situations in love and in understanding.

Eric Michaels: How do we protect our marriages from infidelity?

Jason Coleman: You know this is a really big one and this is something that really effects all marriages out there because there is always going to be that moment when we are momentarily attracted to somebody else. I think that it's important that we discuss that with our spouse and let him or her know - I was at work today and I saw this gal that kind of caught my eye, she was attractive and that is going to happen. It's natural, it's normal and I don't think there is any fault to being attracted to somebody else it is what are you going to do with that attraction. Part of that answer goes back to question number one, you have to communicate about it clearly. The other thing I would say is that you have to be very careful with who you hang out with, what you spend your time doing, who you are with and who you choose for your closest friends. A piece of advice we would give is, don't spend too much time with a friend of the opposite sex and certainly don't confide in anybody, your most secret and inner most feelings with someone of the opposite sex. This tends to draw you in and that opens up the door for potential infidelity down the road because you begin to build that friendship and that trust. I would also say - be accountable.  If I can share one short thing, when I travel for work and it's not that often - but if I go overnight I have an accountability partner. I call my friend and I let him know, he Mark I am going to L.A. tomorrow and I'll be gone for a night; we discuss it on the front end and when I get back, Mark gives me a call to follow up and he asks me some very pointed question: what I spent my time on, what I watched on T.V. and or Internet, did I hang out with people...and that level of accountability - I know when I get back from my trip he is going to ask me some very pointed questions. Sure I could choose to lie about it but then I will be stuck with that and so just knowing that accountability is there helps keep me from doing the wrong things and putting myself in a compromising situation. This means the world to Debby, knowing that when I am gone there is somebody else that is looking out for our best interest.

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Want the entire audio version of this eHealth Radio Episode? Listen to Jason's entire interview.

Author Jason Coleman discusses & answers:

- Understanding the power of choice

- Explanation of someone who divorced twice, due to adultery

- Is there any advice for a divorced and remarried couple who is having issues with disciplining kids that aren't theirs?

- What is the #1 - KEY to a successful & long marriage?

Save this to your iPod/mp3 player or the desktop on your computer and listen to it again for your relationship guide or simply subscribe to this feed and never miss another episode on  eHealth Radio - powered by EDrugStore.md. Refer to audio player and links below.

Note: The views expressed do not necessarily reflect the opinions or beliefs of the show host or it's owners.

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