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December 5, 2010 @ 10:57 am

Conflict Resolutions for Your Marriage


Marriage Coach John Wilder joined eHealth Radio. He discusses the difference between marriage coaching and counselling, his treatment and approach in coaching, and how he works with couples on sexual coaching. You will enjoy John's laid back and direct - tell is like it is style.

Note: Refer to audio player at the bottom of this post.

John Wilder is a marriage, relationship and sexual coach. He has a BA degree with a double major in Behavioral Science and Bible. He also went to graduate school for Clinical Psychology. He attended Nursing School as well. He is one of but a handful of clinicians who treat clients holistically, dealing wtih all 3 aspects of our being; mind, body and spirit. You don’t have to be in his town because he deals with clients on the phone or on Yahoo IM on camera. He promises 4 hour sessions that resolves your problems in a very short period of time instead of counseling wich takes months and fails 75% of the time. You can follow his blog for marriage, relationship or sexual issues at If you like you can contact him and he will give you a complimentary half hour session.  All you have to do is to leave him a comment on the blog or if you wish to communicate with him in private, you can email him at  Leave me your name and phone number and he will call you back. Finally, you can contact me in absolute confidence because I offer an unheard of in the counseling industry of a money back guarantee.


Partial Transcript of Our Interview with John Wilder

Eric Michaels: What is a marriage coach and how does that differ from a marriage counselor?

John Wilder: A marriage coach is a modern day trend and rejection of traditional counselling techniques basically because traditional marriage counsellors have a tremendous 75% failure rate. Would you want to go to a heart surgeon where 75% of his patients died? Basically the difference is that a lot fo marriage counsellors are adopting the coaching paradigm and the difference is actually in the actual treatment. Traditional marriage counsellors typically limit you to 1 hour a week and talk a whole lot about feelings and that's not real effective in problem solving. It's sort of like a newscaster shoving a microphone in a grieving persons face and asking them how they feel. It's just stupid and it's irrelevant. We don't need to talk about feelings they are there because their marriage is in trouble. Feelings are really irrelevant and its all about resolving a problem so the marriage is no longer in trouble and that's the difference between coaching vs. counselling. For me the difference is also that I don't limit the sessions to just one hour a week because that becomes too little too late. You rial all these emotions and feelings upward the people had a truce and you send them home all pissed off and start fighting all over again and it's counter productive. I do a 4 hour intake session and you can get a lot of stuff done in 4 hours whereas an hour - and it's a fifty minute hour and you only have about 30 minutes of effective time and it's really too little too late. So more and more marriage counsellors are adopting the coaching paradigm.

Eric Michaels: How is your treatment different from a traditional marriage counselor?

John Wilder: Basically I take the roll of a mediator. Marriage counsellors try and take a neutral roll or in some case an aggressive roll where they say you guys are better off getting a divorce. A mediator listens to both sides and gives them effective feedback - what they are doing right and what they are doing wrong and suggesting to both men and women if you want to bare the marriage this is the way you can do it. Another problem with traditional marriage counsellors is that they don't teach conflict resolution skills. This is the number one reason couples end up divorcing is because when they get into a conflict they start doing disfuncional behaviors by start yelling at each other and using words, clubs to beat the other in submission and basically the idea is winning the argument. The problem with winning the argument is there is a loser and the loser feels bitter and resentful. The best outcome is a WIN-WIN situation where no one wins and both parties actually win - but we don't do that. We have not been trained to do it from our parents or from the traditional marriage counsellor so I am big into teaching conflict resolution skills.


Want the entire version of this eHealth Radio Episode?

John Wilder discusses & answers:

- What does a sexual coach entail?

- Why he chose to go into this career.

- Typical problems you encounter with couples?

- And a Special Tip...
Connecting with John Wilder:


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Note: The views expressed do not necessarily reflect the opinions or beliefs of the show host or it's owners.

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