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Marriage Advice Archive

November 5, 2010 @ 4:47 pm

Today’s Men Don’t Act Like Men

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What's happened to today's man? Why are women so frustrated with today's sensitive guys? Why is it that when a man takes a woman out on a date -- he can't even decide where to go for a cup of coffee? What is going on with men -- that women initiate most divorces? THE REASON: TODAY'S MEN DON'T ACT LIKE MEN. In these times, men need to learn to be men. Author of the Book "Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants" Elliot Katz has been interviewed about his book on more than 90 radio and TV shows in the Canada, US, the UK and Singapore.

THREE THINGS A MAN NEEDS TO BE:  He’s sensitive and tries hard to please the woman in his life, but when there's a problem that needs to be dealt with, he seems oblivious. When she asks for input on a decision, he says, "It's up to you." He wants to be nice but doesn’t understand why he’s frustrating her. He doesn't understand she wants a strong man. Elliott Katz understands why women today complain about the lack of quality men. "Today’s men have received so many confusing messages on what a man should be, they’re bewildered.” "To avoid accusations of being controlling, many men have gone to the other extreme and avoid showing leadership and making decisions. The irony is that while men think they’re being sensitive and non-controlling, the biggest complaint I hear from women is that men today don’t show leadership, they don’t make decisions and they won’t take responsibility,'" says Katz.

One of women’s biggest complaints is that men don’t show their share of leadership in the relationship. When a man sees a situation that needs to be dealt with, he should step forward and handle it. People admire those who step forward to handle difficult situations – and don’t wait for others to solve the problem. Make decisions
 to avoid accusations of being controlling, a lot of men have gone to the other extreme – they leave most decisions to their wives. A man needs to make his share of decisions and take responsibility for the outcome. To many women, a man who avoids decisions is shirking his responsibilities. One of the meanings of the word "manly" is being decisive. Take responsibility for improving the situation. Don’t blame others. There is little sympathy for a man who blames a woman – even when he thinks she pushed him into it. People will say, "You’re the man. Why did you let it go on?" One of the meanings of the word "husband" is someone who skillfully manages his household. Managers take responsibility. "Divorced women have said that if their husbands had understood these crucial truths, their marriages would not have disintegrated," Katz says. Women give the book to men and say, “This is what I have been trying to tell you all this time.” The most common question Katz receives from women is: “How do I get him to read it?” BEING THE STRONG MAN A WOMAN WANTS is available at Amazon.com and bookstores.

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November 2, 2010 @ 4:09 pm

Safeguarding Your Marriage on Facebook

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K. Jason & Kelli Krafsky, authors of the book Facebook and Your Marriage talk about what inspired them write their book. In today’s society, we’re electronically interconnected in more ways than ever before.  Some lament this.  Others celebrate.  Whatever your stance, technology keeps on evolving.  How is technology affecting your relationship?  What do you do in these situations?

My fiancée just changed her status from “in a relationship” to “it’s complicated.”  What’s that mean?

I just found my high school flame.  Do I friend them or not?

It won’t hurt to let the rest of the world know that my spouse was a jerk for doing….

I’m afraid my wife is spending too much time with a guy online.  She says it’s innocent, but I’m starting to wonder.

They give advice on Facebook in how to use it as a married couple and the precautions that you should take. This is the 1st book ever written on how relationships can survive and thrive on the world’s most popular online social network.

K. Jason & Kelli Krafsky: Over the last 13 years, Jason has trained thousands of pastors, counselors and leaders in premarital, marriage and relationship programs and provides leadership with the Marriage CoMission, Coalition for Marriage, Couple and Family Education and Association of Marriage and Family Ministries. He is trainer of trainers in PREPARE/ENRICH and trained to facilitate many of the best marriage and relationship programs including: PREP, PAIRS Essentials, FOCCUS, Couple Communication, Mastering the Mysteries of Love, and more.

Over the years, Kelli has worked with young wives, unwed, pregnant mothers and volunteered for several schools, churches and community-based organizations. She has spoken with Jason to married couples groups, taught premartial classes and been involved with the Marriage CoMission and Association of Marriage and Family Ministries.

In early 2009, she began co-writing articles with Jason, including, "Our Top Dozen Do’s and Don’ts for Facebooking Couples," “How Facebook Can Improve Your Marriage” and “Is Facebook a Cyber-Threat to Your Marriage?” Due to the popular demand of the articles, Kelli and Jason began writing Facebook and Your Marriage, which was released in 2010.

Kelli and Jason have been referenced and featured in many news stories and articles on social media’s impact on marriages, including The Washington Times, The Seattle PI, The Chattanooga Times Free Press and The Oregonian as well as several radio, podcast and television programs.

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November 1, 2010 @ 8:51 pm

Special Tools & Tecniques for a Happy Marriage

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Marriage and Family Therapist & Author of the book "BluePrint for a Lasting Marriage", Lesli Doares joins the show. She says one of the most important things that a married couple can do is pay attention to the timing of when they have hard conversations. Maybe someone has a request about a change in behavior. A really good tool or tecnique is to try to avoid the word "you" when you are making a request of your partner.  "You" can be a fighting word and it raises your partners defences and makes it more difficult for your partner to hear what it is you are asking.

Lesli Doares is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a private practice in the Cary, NC area. She is a writer, speaker and seminar leader. In her practice, she focuses on helping couples build strong, secure relationships. It is her belief that with the proper tools and techniques, most couples can have a happy and successful relationship. Her passionate belief in marriage has led to the development of a five step approach couples can use to create their ideal marriage. Lesli brings both her personal experience and professional training to her work with couples. She and her husband, Steve, have been married for over twenty years and have two teenage children. Lesli is a sixth generation Californian who has lived in North Carolina since 1995.

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October 30, 2010 @ 5:10 pm

Happy Marriages Don’t Happen by Accident

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Relationship and Marriage Coach with a specialty in character Susanne M. Alexander joins the show. She says getting counselling prior to marriage is the best place to start for a healthy and successful marriage. She also points out that we are all born with the capacity to develop a wide range of character qualities. Happy marriages don't happen by accident, they require great preparation. Her book for couples, "All-in-One Marriage Prep: 75 Experts Share Tips and Wisdom to Help You Get Ready Now", will give couples a marvelous foundation for marriage.

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