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November 6, 2010 @ 6:53 pm

Your Last First Date

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Today we are with Certified Dating Coach Sandy Weiner Founder of Last First Date here on E Health Radio powered by EDrugStore.md.

Eric Michaels: Tell us briefly what inspired the "Last First Date."

Sandy Weiner: Well, I am about 3 years post divorced, I was married for 23 years and as I began dating again for the first time after like 25 years, I realized I was a whole lot better at it - probably  because of my life coach training and my communication skills training. As I started dating, my friends looked to me for advice and I started helping them write their online profiles. I noticed also that in a lot of online profile essays, people were writing I hope that my first date is my last first date - and it just struck as a good name for this new business that I was forming and I switched my life coach career to become a dating coach.

Eric Michaels: Why are you called the 'man whisperer'?

Sandy Weiner: That is a funny name that somebody dubbed on me. I seem to have a natural ability to understand men and I am not quite sure why. I think part of it is, I think I have always been sort of a tom boy - very strait forward, kind of, think like a guy in a lot of ways and I was able to really understand how to communicate better to men than most of my clients were able to. So this client of mine said to me you are a "man whisperer" - you really get it, you really know how to in a behind the scenes way be able to sort of prompt how to respond to men when they say certain things. Men tend to say things that are pretty up front. Women tend to over analyze and say they must mean something else. I think men say what they mean more often than not.

Eric Michaels: How do you not get weary of dating when it feels that the effort doesn't seem to develop into a promising long-lasting relationship?

Sandy Weiner: I think dating is a sifting process. You are not looking for every man out there, you are looking for somebody really specific who is going to really be a good match for you. So I would say don't give up hope, just think of it as, if you have to meet 100 guys in order to find the right one, then you know, might be up to number 99 and you might be pulling your hair out - but number 100 could be around the corner. So keep at it, you might need more skills, you might need some more coaching some help, some therapy to change some patterns but keep optimistic and keep doing it, I really believe you have to stay in the game.

Eric Michaels: Definitely persistence! What are three deadly dating mistakes that women make that lead to men dumping them?

Sandy Weiner: That's a really good question. I think people make the same mistakes over and over again. Number one is, women who lead men to think that they are needy and insecure. You can be the most secure woman, but there are certain actions that women take that lead men to believe they are are insecure and needy. Men do not like clingy women. One of the things they might do is to talk badly about past relationships and go into lengthy discussions about the past. Gives them sort of a metaphor like, are they going to talk about me like that? Do not talk badly about your girlfriends or really anybody for that matter. It is bringing negative energy into the relationship.  Another way to appear needy is to have too much physical, sexual content up front. As much as women think that men want that, men really want you to appeal to which brings me to number two, they want you to appeal to the man's emotional side as well as his sexual side. It's a balance. A really good quality man is going to be a little bit more grounded. That cheapens the woman that just throws themselves at a man in that way. The third is not knowing how to size up a man's relationship potential. Too many women begin relationships with men who are really not emotionally available. That is a deadly mistake. Men do not become emotionally available as you are dating them. They either are or they are not available. Maybe they need to go get some help but they will not change in the moment. I had an experience with somebody who said I am 100 percent sure that I want to get married and it's the first time in 10 years since my divorce that I am sure. Like 3 seconds later I also have a confession to make, I just sold my business and lost a ton of money and financially I am doing very poorly right now. What happened was he was not at all emotionally available to be in a relationship. He was completely consumed by his work and within about 2 weeks I said to him, you let me know if you are ever available because right now, you are not. So you have to know, it would have been a horrible relationship for me if I was always playing second fiddle to his work.

Eric Michaels: I see you offer help for writing online Dating Profiles. Give us an example or two of a before and after profile as you call them the "blah" to "aha"...

Sandy Weiner: I love writing online dating profiles for people. I think people mis-represent themselves. Dating online is kind of like marketing yourself. If were to go online to find an expert in something and you were not clear right away what this person stood for you would bounce right off the site in a second. Online dating you are looking at hundreds and hundreds of people and your eye has to be caught by both the picture and the essay I believe. Here is a before that actually this person wrote and it's very short: "Loves sushi, Yankees, laying out by the pool in no particular order. Passionate about my family, reading good books, traveling and animals." This says very little about the person and what is important to him. So here is what I re-wrote: "On summer weekends, you can find me lounging poolside, reading the latest James Patterson novel. I love spicy mayo on my tuna sashimi, and would enjoy sipping sake with you at a great Japanese restaurant, preferably sitting in a quiet booth. I’m just as comfortable eating a hot dog at a Yankees game as I am sharing a gourmet steak dinner with my three grown kids." You want to give somebody a flushed out idea about who you are. A lot of people say they are funny but they never write anything funny. I believe you have to show and not tell. That's really one of my biggest things that I talk about re-writing profile essays.

Eric Michaels: Well, I certainly like that profile that you just shared with us, beautifully written, grabs the attention and even kind of gets the emotions going there. Tell us about your laser love call program.

Sandy Weiner: I offer a 15 minute laser love call as part of my coaching offers. Sometimes people have a dating question that is pressing and they just need fifteen minutes of my time and so it's an inexpensive way to access coaching as opposed to an ongoing coaching program when you need more comprehensive work so that is why I offer that.

Eric Michaels: Where can our listeners find you online?

Sandy Weiner: LastFirstDate.com

Want the audio version of this E Health Radio Episode? Listen to Sandy's motivational tip not included in this transcript? Save this to your iPod or the desktop on your computer and listen to it again for your dating guide and motivation or simply subscribe to this feed and never miss another episode on E Health Radio - powered by EDrugStore.md. Refer to audio player and links below.

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